Reconnecting

Posted: August 24, 2010 in Aengus, Noah
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Our family has felt . . . disjointed for quite some time now. With Noah in the throes of puberty (and my instinctive reaction to negativity being withdrawal), it’s felt like he mentally moved out already. I’m not ready for that!!! Aengus has never, by nature, been as open and connected with me as Noah always used to be. Add the Xbox and we’ve felt separate for a very long time now.

But on Friday, Aengus and I had a day away from home, just the two of us. We ate at IHOP (computation: percents, life skills), visited friends (socialization), walked through a few malls (economics), and talkedtalkedtalked (about aliens, gods, and ghosts: cultural mythology, about illnesses: P.E., and about politics). He never opens up to me the way Noah used to, but it was still nice to connect with him a little bit. We also bought the next book in the Magic Tree House series, by his request (reading).

Noah was in a good mood when we came home and wanted to watch Casablanca with me. When Noah requests that I do something with him — anything at all — I drop my own plans and do it. He and I used to be extraordinarily close; and while I know that shouldn’t last forever, I do miss it. So we watched Casablanca, and he loved it. I loved watching it with him.

Fridays are Jason’s short days at work, so after dinner (together!), we decided to watch a movie — together. We don’t often do that anymore, since we each have our own interests and are often just doing our own thing. But we decided it was time Aengus started his Pop Culture Tour and Noah returned to his. And the movie to reboot the tour was . . . Conan the Destroyer.

Can someone please tell me why this movie was made?!

Saturday is a blur, since I spent it spring cleaning my kitchen. We have mice, and I’d had it with them. I took everything out of my cabinets and drawers, washed it all, and cleaned the cabinets. We set traps, which I am normally opposed to; I prefer to let the natural food chain take care of things. That’s why you’ll find spiders in my house. But no snakes have moved in and our cats are useless as mousers. So the traps ended up catching nine mice. I haven’t seen any, erm, evidence of mice since then.

On Sunday, Noah went to his bandmates’ house for a sleepover/practice session (music, socialization).

Good friends and a guitar.

Their family is wonderful and a really good influence on him. While he was away, Aengus had his bff over for a sleepover. They actually managed to sleep a little this time, after spending the evening running around outside (with guns, of course; P.E.), building lots of Bionicles (engineering), playing chess (strategic thinking), and of course playing video games (cooperative problem solving, dynamic thinking).

Monday evening, after Aengus’s friend left, he crashed while I ran out to get Noah back. We had our own little one-on-one time at the mall, checking out books and posters and DVDs and talking, talking, talking. It was wonderful to talk about stuff with him, real stuff like the “Ground Zero Mosque” and financial responsibility and the importance of interpersonal skills and whether it’s group psychology or biology that determines what we find attractive and why physical attributes are so prized when it’s intelligence that really matters.

I absolutely loved it.

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Comments
  1. mecarol says:

    Puberty scares me like the Boogey Monster. I am just dreading it. I’m hoping for more days than not that are like you described.

    • homeboys says:

      Honestly, puberty has been way better than I’ve always been told. I love teens; they’re fascinating and vibrant and if you grant them the respect you’d give to any adult, they will astound you.

      But hormones being what they are, and children needing to grow up and away into their own lives, the puberty thing does sometimes have its challenges. I can handle the moodiness, mostly because I remind myself it is just those damn hormones. It’s the separation that’s killing me, even though I know it’s necessary.

  2. dbmamaz says:

    My daughter will turn 18 and move out in 11 days. Its overwhelming but . . . idk, it just is. She and I had a horrible relationship from age 11 to age 17, at which point she managed to tell me what had really happenned – and yeah, it was mostly me retracting from negativity and her taking it badly and escalating like crazy from there. She was in crisis of one sort or another for pretty much the entire past 12 months. So I am looking forward to the peace (esp being able to school the boys at the table without attitude about the inconvenience), but feeling very melancholy about approaching this major transition without a strong relationship. I have to submit to reality and know it is too late to change the past and I cannot change who I am or who she is. I can only support her as best I can and hope that the future is acceptable. Besides, I still have 2 challenging boys to raise . . .

    • homeboys says:

      My mom and I had a terrible relationship when I was a teen and young adult. We became close, though, when my maturity kicked in. Hang in there!

      • dbmamaz says:

        Thanks – many of my young freinds on my moms group have told me similar stories. I’m not attached to the future, but do hope for the best and know its within the realm of possibilities that our relationship will be reasonably good in the future. Urg, that didnt come out right. Ok, partly cuz i’m not even talking to my mom and sister atm . . . but i’m sure it will all get better. bumpy roads.

  3. So Conan the Destroyer is not epic? Huh. 🙂

    My relationship with my mom kind of sucked when I was a teen, but by the time I was in my early 20’s, I considered her my best friend. DBMAMAZ, don’t lose hope!

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